Trust is a strength despite appearances – Laureates’ celebration 2023
Trust is a strength that allows us to face life’s challenges. It is sometimes misunderstood – or lived too naively – which leads to wounds, disappointments, and disillusionment. But it remains a strength, and it is important to consider it as such.
In this talk – delivered during the 23rd edition of the laureates’ celebration – I try to deconstruct false perceptions of trust so that everyone can understand it as the true strength it is and draw on it to face life’s challenges. The talk is divided into 4 parts, each of which is the subject of a separate article:
- Trust and dependence (this article): what is meant by trust and the link between trust and dependence.
- Self-confidence: why self-confidence is a good thing, and why having self-confidence is not a selfish attitude.
- Self-confidence and relationships with others: the various links between self-confidence and relationships with others.
- Trust in God: the specific case of trust in God, not to be confused with trust in just anyone.
So let’s start with the first part, trust and dependence.
Trust and dependence : don’t worry, it mixes !
Trust refers to the idea that we can rely on someone or something. Having trust in someone means entrusting something precious to them, relying on them, and thus surrendering to their goodwill and good faith. For example, we can entrust one of our children to a friend; entrust the supervision of our construction site or a task to someone; entrust something personal, like our secrets, to a friend – it could be confidential information – ‘Remember, this is just between us.’
In the word ‘trust’, there is also the idea that we can rely on something. For example, ‘I trust that this car will get me to my destination; I trust that this rope will hold…’
Etymologically, there are close links between trust, faith, fidelity, confidence, belief… In practice, there is also another link that gives trust its spice: the link between trust and dependence…
Indeed, experience shows us that someone who trusts is immediately placed in a state of dependence, and thus vulnerability: ‘Your child is with me’; ‘I’m the one overseeing your construction site’; ‘I’m sharing a secret with you, if you have fun, I’ll betray you’ – that’s why trust also implies dependence.
That’s one of the reasons why we hesitate to trust! When you depend on someone, they have power over you, right? When you depend on something, you don’t control everything! Certainly… but being dependent is not inherently bad, provided that we choose carefully who or what we depend on.
Having trust does not mean being irresponsible
We must be careful; trust should not be absolute and blind: humans are not always reliable and trustworthy; objects or tools in our daily life are not always in good condition. Trusting does not mean being irresponsible. Giving my trust commits me, but it does not commit the other person. In other words, I should not be disappointed because he or she does not meet my expectations – but I should question my commitment, the initial impulse that led me to give my trust.
When we trust just anyone, we run the risk of encountering a toxic person who will harm us. On the other hand, when we take the time to get to know the other person and see if we are on the same wavelength, we can let our trust in them grow. When we try to understand the things around us well, we can trust them with full knowledge – even if that knowledge is distant.
Trust involves our responsibility – we should not give it naively to anyone or place it in anything. This responsibility must be educated – by learning about people and understanding the world around us. Lived this way, I believe that trust is a genuine spiritual resource that allows us to live in harmony with ourselves, with others, and with the world around us.
The second part of the talk – self-confidence – will be presented in the next article. Until then, feel free to share these ideas if you find them useful.